Top 5 Ugly Christmas Sweater Themes

Thanks in part to that ubiquitous Oregon Lottery ad, the Ugly Christmas Sweater season started early. We’ve had people calling Red Light about ugly Christmas sweaters since early November!

Fortunately, we’ve been buying them all year…we have hundreds saved up, and they’re all totally tacky.

But we don’t just buy every Christmas sweater that is offered to us, then turn around and call it an ugly Christmas Sweater. Each ugly Christmas sweater we have for sale was hand-picked for awfulness. Our staff takes tacky seriously, so we’re picking the creme de la creme of holiday-themed knitwear horrors. Here are some of the things we are look for:

1. Inappropriately dressed Santas.

Santa should be jolly and joyful. He may even sometimes come across as creepy. But he is never rock ‘n’ roll. Thus, Santa should never wear leopard or zebra-print. When you find a sweater with an inappropriately “edgy” Santa (or snowman or penguin for that matter), you’ve found a keeper.

2. Disjointed holiday iconography.

When a sweater is blocked off into various scenes and the only continuous theme is Christmas, it can transcend into ugly Christmas sweater territory. The colors are bright, the images many and the overall effect is a bit like looking at a strobe light. You get dizzy, disoriented…and it’s even worse if the sweater has sparkles!

3. Sewn-on accoutrements that jingle, wiggle or light up.

Sweaters that have bells, bobbles or anything that moves, makes noise or lights up sewn onto them are highly desirable. These kinds of “add ons” take a nice, holiday cardigan to the next level – they announce your presence and let everyone know that you are ready to party! In short, they instantly create a sweater that cannot be ignored (which is the whole point of the Ugly Christmas Sweater).

4. Scary animals.

Some of the best ugly Christmas sweaters feature creepy, human-like animals, most often penguins, bears or kitties. Animals acting like deliriously happy ice-skaters are always unsettling, and if the animals on your sweater also happen to be vaguely menacing or slightly misshapen, well…bonus points!

5. Psychedelic patterns.

Think bad acid trip. If your sweater can loosely be described as “busy,” there’s a good chance you have a true Ugly Christmas Sweater. Knitwear with vaguely Nordic patterns, overcome with Christmas iconography rendered in bright primary colors is quickly overwhelming. It’s hard to go wrong with sweaters like these, especially when they include over-simplified, blob-like Santa faces.

6. Unintentionally perverted.

Though the unintentionally perverted subcategory of Ugly Christmas Sweaters is not as prevalent as some of the others we’ve mentioned, it’s no less tacky. Reindeer dancing a little too close, wreathes awkwardly placed…suggestive holiday sweaters are just not right.

7. Messages to Santa (or other mall shoppers).

The diary-like quality of sweaters and sweatshirts emblazoned with messages to Santa, or sweeties, or just other mall shoppers make this category an instant classic. (Of course, the message must be holiday-themed but trust us, there really are tons of these Dear Santa-type sweatshirts.) Nothing says “Happy Holidays!” like asking for gifts via a disgruntled message Velvasheened across your chest!

In the spirit of holiday giving, we’ve listed 7 Christmas sweater horrors rather than just the 5 promised in our post title – tra la! The truth is, there are lots of ways holiday sweaters can qualify as Ugly Christmas Sweaters…And in our next post, we’ll tell you how you can spruce up your Ugly Christmas Sweater and take it to new heights of tackiness with a little DIY magic!

Ugly Christmas Sweaters Are Here!

It’s not even Thanksgiving yet, but we listen to our customers and so…we’ve begun to put out our stash of ugly Christmas sweaters!

Red Light has hundreds of fantastically horrid holiday sweaters saved up for you, each one hand-picked for extreme tackiness. No store in Portland has a bigger or better selection of ugly Christmas sweaters.

Some of the graphic themes you’ll find in our holiday sweater selection: teddy bears, sequins, dancing reindeer, leopard print santas, kittens in gift boxes.

And we also have ugly sweaters in a complete spectrum of sizes…from petite to XXL, as well as turtlenecks, cardigans and sweater vests.

Plus, later this week we’ll share our thoughts on what makes an ugly Christmas sweater truly party worthy and DIY tips to take your hideous holiday sweater over the top!

$1 Sale This Sunday Benefits C.A.T. (Cat Adoption Team)!

Remember how we told you we are having $1 Sales to benefit Portland non-profits all summer? Every second and fourth Sunday of the month, June – August? Well….It’s that time again!

This Sunday, June 26, we’ll have tons and tons of clothes – men’s and women’s, vintage and brand name – all just $1 each! And 100% of the proceeds will go to Portland’s Cat Adoption Team!

C.A.T. is a terrific organization…Along with operating the Northwest’s largest no-kill kitty shelter, C.A.T. provides discounted spay and neuter services, adoption services and they operate an animal food pantry that allows pet owners in financial straights to get free food for their four-legged friends.

So, you can snag some amazing deals AND support one of Portland’s most awesome animal charities right at Red Light this Sunday!

Our $1 Sale runs from 10 am – noon, CASH only. To take advantage of the summer sunshine, the $1 Sale happens on our sidewalk along 36th Ave., across from the Waffle Window.

Vintage ’50s Glitter Glasses at Red Light’s Online Shop!

After many customer requests, we finally opened Red Light up to online shoppers!

We curate a mini-boutique full of unique pieces available online only, right from our website. The cyber-Red Light showcases men’s and women’s vintage clothing and accessories and often features some more rare or delicate items that previously would only have been available to private dealers.

One of the recently listed items we love: the ’50s glitter, cat eye glasses above are available now at Red Light online for just $32! Instant glamour and perfect for summer! These must have originally been worn by some Hollywood starlet, don’t you think?

Red Light’s Online Shop Now Open!

Yes, it took us awhile but The Red Light is now open online 24/7! You can shop Portland’s biggest vintage store from anywhere in the world!

We’re keeping Red Light’s online shop small for now…It’s not designed to replicate the experience of shopping in our physical store, but rather to give you a taste of what Red Light’s all about. So, of course, you’ll still find men’s and women’s vintage threads and accessories from a host of eras and at a range of prices.

New items go into the store every week and – as with all things vintage – when they’re gone, they’re gone! Right now we’re listing a bunch of vintage Betsey Johnson dresses as well as several really fabulous men’s polyester shirts…All signs point to the ’70s making a huge comeback this summer so snag some of these great period pieces while you can!

Spray-On Clothes, huh?

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So all the world seems to be abuzz with the “invention” of spray-on clothing, recently announced by some European fashion-designer. Never mind that club kids worldwide have been wearing painted on latex “clothing” for decades now…mainstream media thinks this could be the big new thing.

Sure, this new spray garb actually has fibers in it, making it a bit more clothing-like than old-school, painted-on attire, but we’re still skeptical. What do you think?

Read about the science behind Spray-On style via Fast Company. (Photo via FastCompany.com)

Get Your Skate On Tonight!

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Local sock company (and a long time Red Light favorite) Sock It To Me is sponsoring an after-hours roller skating party TONIGHT! Even better, all proceeds from the event will be donated to Haiti relief efforts, via the PDX-based Mangrove Fund.

The fun starts happening at 10 pm, at the Oak Park roller rink. There will be a raffle, yummy treats and even some of the derby girls from Rose City Rollers.

Can you think of a better excuse to get all dolled up, rock cool socks and skates?! We didn’t think so.

Ready to have fun and support a good cause tonight? Then pick up some cool socks, vintage skates or other groovy duds at The Red Light; get more details on the event at PDX Neat Sheet.

(Photo courtesy of PDX Neat Sheet.)

Ugly Christmas Sweaters! Come and Get ‘Em!

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Chances are, you’ve got an Ugly Christmas Sweater Party to go to this month. Chances are, even if you don’t have such a party to attend, you’d still have fun wearing a totally gross holiday-themed sweater somewhere.

The Red Light has Portland’s largest curated selection of totally awful, ugly Christmas sweaters and prices start at just $12! We have hundreds of over-the-top styles to choose from, including cardigans, pull-overs and sweater vests. Some of them even play music! It’s kind of scary.

Hook yourself up.

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